I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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