I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i will never coherently bang her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
