If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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