it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
