Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
