Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm just crazy horny about you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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