I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize