i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
