Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
