what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
