I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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