Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
