having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
