so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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