Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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