apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
