garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
