its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
