Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
