I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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