it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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