I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
