I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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