well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am full of burrito and curiosity
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
