I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
