Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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