Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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