she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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