Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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