so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
