moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
