We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
