do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
