I look better un-naked...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
