Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
