The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
