Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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