the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize