i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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