does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
