Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
