Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
