Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
