u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
