It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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