Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
