Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
