I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's never too late to be topless.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
