I am puke
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
