I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
