i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Two words: nipple clamps
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