Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
