dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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