So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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