shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
