and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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