i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
