Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
