it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
