i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
