Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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