Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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