Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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