kristin has been a bad kristin
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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