Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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