i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
