i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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