Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
