i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think a kid would responsible me up
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
