I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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