Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
