what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
