i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
