i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize