I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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