How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
