New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
