I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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