Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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